From Wounds to Awareness

How To Transform The Disempowering Lies We Tell Ourselves

Published in Guided Synergy Spring 2017

Victim. Ponder that word for a moment. What does it mean to you? How do your mind and body react to it? Now ask yourself whether you are a victim. Your mind may say, “I’m not a victim. Other people have it far worse than me. I know that I have to be strong to live in this world.” Yet how often do you find yourself feeling powerless, like you can’t control what happens to you no matter how hard you try? 

Victimizing thought can be as subtle as “I can’t do that.” How many of us are held back by our self-victimizing thoughts? More importantly, how can we change them?

What are you thinking?

You first have to get familiar with the concept of self-victimization and identify where that feeling of disempowerment comes from. We create, perceive and interpret our experiences entirely through our subconscious. From birth, we have collected all of our experiences as data and developed an intricate set of behavior and thought patterns. Those patterns are so effective that they can operate completely below our consciousness, on autopilot. So if you wish to see what lies deep within you and transform it, you must discover your Self.

Cultivating awareness of Self allows truth into your perspective. This means focusing inward instead of on the external. The first step is to become curious about your thoughts, instead of dreading the mean ones that make you question your worth. 

If you find yourself feeling bad about yourself or you realize that your mind takes over how you’d like to feel, begin to question your thoughts, just like you would question someone who was saying mean things about your best friend, parent or child. Ask yourself questions like these: Would I say these words to others? Why do I believe this thought is true? What is this thought telling me about myself? If I let this thought continue down its usual path, what feeling would that create and what belief would that reaffirm? Through these questions, you’ll become aware of what your subconscious is subtly telling you that you believe about yourself—and, therefore, you’ll see what’s keeping you from being fully empowered. 

Wait, with patience and openness, for an answer.

And then you wait. I find this part of the process hard, but the experience has to unfold naturally for you to fully receive the answer. This part is of out of your control. You cannot force awareness. It happens spontaneously when you find yourself surrendering to the whole process. That way, truth erupts through you in a way that you will never un-see, or be able to doubt.

The best way to create a space for surrender is through internal calmness, which can arise from any activity that creates a feeling different from the one your thoughts keep reinforcing, such as meditation, contemplation, focused breathing, a creative project or writing. If your mind, like mine, is always active and probing for answers, you might think you’ll never get it to be quiet. But when you least expect it, it will happen, and your quiet mind will show you how you’ve been living with self-victimizing thoughts. 

Insights will start to arise if you ask the question and remain open to the answer. Then it’s important to hold compassion for whatever comes up. This is key. Being understanding and open to yourself gives you the breathing room to fully gain the wisdom, the lesson. Hold love and compassion for yourself the way you would for a child telling you their fears, because just as those fears are real to them, your fears are real to you. This is a part of your experience coming up to be transformed because you’ve asked it to.

Be kind with yourself. What have you got to lose, other than some self-limiting thoughts?

Tips for becoming aware of self-victimizing thoughts:

• Become curious and observe your thoughts as often as possible.
  

• When you notice a disempowering thought arise, ask yourself questions like: What belief is this thought reaffirming? Why do I accept it as a truth about myself? Is there a more empowering way I can direct this thought?
  

• Wait, with patience and openness, for an answer or insight to come through. Don’t try to force an explanation. 
  

• Maintain love and compassion for yourself when held experiences start to arise for transformation. There is nothing to do with what arises other than to let it all flow through you without stifling it.