Things You Can Do Between Therapy Sessions to Support Yourself

The "work" doesn't end the moment our session is over, it happens in all of the moments between, where you take theory (the new perspectives, reframes, and approaches) and integrate them into practice.

I know, I know, the whole practice makes progress thing. But the real, meaningful, and significant change really does occur in the micro-moments, where you actually take a breath and pause before reacting to something the way you usually might. When you ask yourself (or maybe even hear my voice whispering in your head) "who do I want to be in this moment", that right there, is where the magic is. That is the one second gap that turns reaction into response, into choosing who you are.

So what else could you do between sessions to double down on living your life as consciously, as softly or boldly, as you desire for yourself?

1. Keep a running note in your phone or journal

   - One for things you want to bring up next session; perhaps something that brought up a lot for you that you'd like to explore, recurring thoughts you find yourself looping, questions you want to ask me, a topic we've covered that you want to dive deeper into, dreams or memories that feel meaningful, or wins to share. - One for the good things happening in your life (no matter how big or small). I reference this one a lot in sessions with clients, because it helps to retrain our "Reticular Activation System", which is the part of our brain responsible for filtering what information gets our conscious attention. And because our brain also possesses an evolutionary "negativity bias" to scan for threats, your RAS defaults to highlighting stress and problems. Might seem annoying now, but it's based in survival, and that doesn't mean we can't work with it. If you've ever found yourself talking about white cars or something of the like, and then it seems you see white cars everywhere all of a sudden, that's an example of your RAS at work. We can inform it of what to be on the lookout for, and what to anticipate. When we actively look back on and search for positive experiences from our day or week, we are telling our RAS "this is important too", which primes it to be on the lookout for those experiences more. I like this approach as an adapted version of a gratitude practice. For many of us, gratitude can sometimes feel forced, like we're 'supposed' to feel this immense gratitude for having a roof over our heads, or being able to take a hot shower. And while yes, those things are a luxury not everyone gets to be grateful for, attempting to forge something out of yourself can begin to feel redundant, repetitive, and more like a chore than a practice you want to lean into. Some call this looking for "glimmers" in your day, it can be a simple pleasant exchange with a cashier, green lights on your commute, or a hummingbird stopping by your window to say hi.
   

2. Actually practice the thing I keep suggesting Or don't, it's your life and I trust you fully with it. But maybeeee, you could experiment with what it's like experientially to take a few deep breaths when you feel yourself spiraling, or to trust yourself to set that boundary so you can see that the world won't actually burn down if you do. It could be practicing kindness towards yourself in challenging moments, it could be asking for help, or resting without guilt taking over. Whatever it is, whatever we've decided together could be worth trying, it's probably designed to create a bit of space and capacity for you to be gentle with yourself. Because that's what's really at the core of my jam sandwich.
   

3. Practice curiosity Another big part of my approach is this, offering yourself curiosity. The process of change and opening our heart comes from softness, not force or shame. So instead of asking yourself "why am I like this", or telling yourself "this is ridiculous, I shouldn't feel this way", maybe try approaching what's coming up with a teeny bit of care and genuine desire for understanding. That could sound like asking yourself: - What is actually happening for me right now?

   - What might this feeling be trying to tell me? - What am I reacting to? - What do I need from myself right now? Curiosity is the potion that transforms criticism into understanding, and then into compassionate action. I will die on this hill, self-criticism has never created change that is free from guilt, shame, or disapproval. And those things just stay hidden, not integrated.
   

4. Let yourself feel something before you label it or try to fix it What a bold idea, eh. Discomfort is not a problem to be solved, or to be gotten rid of as quickly as it arrived. Emotions are information, they are important, and every single one of them is part of being human. Two things can be true; this is uncomfortable, AND I can stay with it. Emotions tend to move more easily when they're allowed to exist. And I'm yet to meet anyone who allowed themselves to feel something fully, deeply, to let themselves cry, and got themselves stuck in that emotions to never feel anything else again. Your emotions are safe, and you are safe to feel your emotions.
   

5. Celebrate the wins, no matter how small they seem Refer back to my point about our Reticular Activation System. And you deserve to applaud yourself. At least once amongst the countless ways you may be evaluating yourself negatively. Notice when you do something differently, when you choose yourself in a moment you may not have previously. Speak them out loud, write them down, give yourself permission to bear witness to the growth of your soul. This is also how self-trust grows.